


Sh** My Brother Says

by T_sixsixsix



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Humor, BAMF Mary Winchester, Bottom Sam, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Character Study, Coming Out, Consent Issues, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Time, Gay Sam Winchester, Grossed Out Dean Winchester, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mary Winchester Finds Out About Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Multiple, Pre-Canon, Relationship Negotiation, Resurrected Mary Winchester, Sibling Incest, Slow Build, Something Made Them Do It, Soulless Sam Winchester, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Swearing, Top Dean Winchester, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T_sixsixsix/pseuds/T_sixsixsix
Summary: In which Sam comes out, Mary finds out, and Dean has some sh** he's got to talk about.Also in which the author works through her own passionate but conflicted feelings about Sam, Dean, Mary, Jessica and shit.Podficcers: I dare you.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story currently consists of 20K words worth of non-linear vignettes, dialogs, flashbacks, descriptive prose and character analysis. As a writer I have zero discipline and I endlessly edit, insert and rewrite, but you know they say you can't polish a turd so I'm just going to bite the bullet and start posting it in chunks. I can't make promises about a consistent schedule, but I respond well to encouragement. 
> 
> Or, just say something that pisses me off. I can focus really well when I'm pissed off.
> 
> WARNING: This fic contains some intense homophobic language, especially in the beginning.
> 
> WARNING: You might not like everything about my version of Dean Winchester. A fellow SPN fan once told me she wished she could meet him in person and I was like: "What, do you have some kind of *death wish?*" 
> 
> Dean is a one-man nexus of cosmic misery. Also an asshole, an ignorant jerk, manipulative, bigoted and a bully.
> 
> *God* I love him.

When it starts to seem like Sam is going to go crazy or die from lack of sleep, Dean swallows hard and offers to help out in _that_ way. A few sleepless, hallucinatory days later, Sam accepts.

Dean feels like the universe is finally on his side when it actually kind of works. Sam sleeps for nine hours that night... and, well... for a few minutes there after the big kid finally drifts off to dreamland, Dean gets to see his brother looking peaceful and unafraid in a way he hasn't seen for years.

He fucking _hates_ his fucked-up freak of a brother, though. Doesn't want that twisted bitch anywhere near him for days afterward.

_disgusting needy faggot Sammy cornholing pervert you wanna be a fucking girl well sorry that ain't no sweet-smelling pussy it's a shithole and it smells like shit_

°°oO0Oo°°

One time, while Sam is away at Stanford, Dean hooks up with a girl who waits until they're already at the motel and Dean is rounding second base with her breasts in his hands before she casually lets him know that, by the way, she's on the rag. She swears the bleeding is really light, so Dean figures he's just drunk enough to deal with it, as long as the lights are off. And she better not expect him to give head. Gross.

He suggests they start things off with a quick, handsy shower, and everything is going just fine -- she has a sweet curvy body and plenty of enthusiasm, and he doesn't see any blood sluicing down her thighs or streaming down the drain -- but it all comes to a screeching halt when she blows Dean's mind by putting her lips to his ear and murmuring breathily that "if Dean is so freaked out by the sight of blood, she could keep her tampon in and let him fuck her _hungry ass_ instead."

That is so far off-script for 24-year-old Dean that his upstairs and downstairs brains launch simultaneous "abort mission" protocols.

Oh, and she is so damn pissed when Dean flinches away, covering his face with one hand, groaning with disgust and immediately going soft. Ass-fucking is... Jesus, it's sick and wrong and perverted and dangerous and So. Goddamn. Gross. That's what faggots do when they aren't busy stuffing it in each other's mouths... hell, they probably like to switch holes mid-fuck for extra flavor and aroma. Aaaagh! Mind bleach now please!

Dean figures something seriously screwed up must have happened to that girl somewhere along the way, and he's human enough to feel honestly sorry for her, but after he gets rid of her he is absolutely going to get himself a big pile of quarters and bring Baby to a self-service carwash where he can jetspray and vacuum and sanitize her, inside and out, until he is sure there isn't even a single filthy skin cell left over from Little Miss Hungry Ass.

Maybe he'll even set up an altar on the hood and do a cleansing ritual. Jesus.

°°oO0Oo°°

Dean doesn't get it. He didn't get it then, and he still doesn't get it.

Why the hell would anybody want something shoved up _in_ their _out_ chute?? How is that sexy? That's the exact opposite of sexy!!

And yeah, in the years since he ditched Hungry Ass Girl, Dean has been around the block a few times. He's heard all about the amazing prostate gland, supposedly the male equivalent of a woman's g-spot (and dozens of lucky ladies know Dean's an expert on that) -- but, no thanks. Dean's not interested. Dean thinks his prostate is doing its job just fine without getting poked, prodded or mauled by foreign objects. If God wanted men to get prostate massages on the regular He would have stuck that thing somewhere accessible instead of hiding it literally up shit creek.

°°oO0Oo°°

The thing is, Dean already puts up with a _lot_ of filth in his daily life. Monster guts, decomposing flesh -- that kind of thing. He's cool with it -- slime and gore just come with his kickass job. But some things, some things just gotta be clean, ok?

Clean car.

Clean guns.

Clean kills.

"Better clean your plate, son"

...and soft, _clean_ , sweet-smelling ladies.

°°oO0Oo°°

Dean is seven years old, staring morosely at the screen of a crappy motel TV, when his infant libido first sparks with confused fascination at, of all things, the title sequence of "Petticoat Junction." When he was little Dean used to like the first part with the wood-fired steam engine, but now that he's big he knows cars are way cooler than trains, and he would've already changed the channel except he knows there's nothing else on worth watching at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning, and Sammy actually _likes_ "Petticoat Junction" (Sammy doesn't have the sense that God gave gravel) so if Dean lets him keep watching he'll buy himself at least another half hour of peace before the stupid kid starts bugging Dean to play with him, or whining about why they don't have any good snacks, or climbing all over Dean with his bony knees and sharp elbows and snotty nose and sticky hands, or putting things in his mouth that he shouldn't, or getting under the beds to look for gross stuff the last person left, or sitting on the shitter stinking up the whole room and yelling for Dean to come wipe him like he was born with no arms or something and couldn't do it for himself.

So Dean is still sitting there staring at the screen when the scene switches to the three pretty girls popping up their heads from inside the water tank, and you can see their bare, wet shoulders and you know those girls have been swimming around naked back there, laughing and smiling and splashing around in the cool, clear water, and now they are smiling out at Dean with eyes that tell him "We have something awesome going on back here, just out of sight, and we can't let you see it except that if you ask us nicely then we probably will..."

Dean is going to see that look a *lot* in coming years. In every crowd, a few of them -- faces with speaking eyes that offer him a taste of every secret awesome thing. 

It's part of who Dean is in the world, how he can wield a lame line like a caveman wields a club, stunning a girl with the promise in his smile and then sweeping her off to share a hit of pure, uncomplicated pleasure.

°°oO0Oo°°

  
In Groesbeck, Ohio, Dean hooks up with an adorably squirmy med student who Cannot. Stop. Talking. She has strong opinions about everything from skin care and body hair to cotton sheets and nutritional yeast. She even has little chats with different parts of Dean's body as she explores him, fondly calling each one by its Latin name and praising the important role it plays in keeping Dean "alive and fuckable." 

No problem. Dean can tune her out like he does with Sammy, as long as she doesn't stop squirming and nuzzling and wrapping her thighs around the different parts of him like she wants to rub her silky, swollen pussy over every square inch of his skin.

In the bedroom, she pulls out condoms, lube... and a box of vinyl exam gloves. 

Dean freezes up mid-grope and stares. "Yeah, I don't think we'll be needing those. I am not a fan of being probed."

"Oh, but I am, Sweetie!" she purrs, then grabs his hand that's resting on her lower back and guides it down to reach between her thighs so she can rock her slick, warm self against his fingers as he cups her ass cheeks in his palm. "...and I am really, really gonna want your finger in my ass tonight."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, friends. People have always praised my writing -- in academic papers and short essays -- but I am no fiction writer! I can't write to a prompt or on a deadline and I can't write what bores me. I don't have the tools or skills or depth of experience to make conscious choices about voice, audience, mood, or narrative flow.
> 
> I hate putting in dialog tags! I get tied up in knots trying to describe body language and facial expressions. I can always think of five ways to put down a given idea but I don't know which way is right.
> 
> I don't fear death but I'd like to get this fic posted before I go. So here is another chunk of my mess.
> 
> Also my kid needs lunch.

It all starts to make sense after Castiel drops his bombshell about Sam's soul being gone. After that, Sam gets positively chatty, which really, really sucks for Dean.

Dean: So. Hippie Girl. What gives? You never hook up like that. 

Soulless Sam: Ahh... yeah. See, when I had a soul, I _cared_ so much about... about other people. Other people's _feelings_. Like, I needed sex to be some kind of _deep emotional experience_. But since the Cage, I just really don't care about it anymore.

D: You don't care about, What? Sex?

SS: No, I mean I don't care about... All the crap I used to worry about, you have no idea. [Goes on in an exasperated tone of voice] _Does she really want this? Is she too drunk to give consent? Is she in a bad place emotionally? Does she have healthy boundaries? Was she abused as a child? Is sex the only way she knows to get human connection? Maybe she just needs someone to talk to..._ On and on like that. [Goes quiet, shaking his head in disbelief] Oh, and get this: I was convinced that my dick was _too big_. That I might _injure_ her. 

D: Wow. 

SS: I know, right?

D: So this past year you've, what? You've been making up for lost time?

SS: I was. You've kinda been cockblocking me since we partnered up again.

D: What??

SS: It's nothing overt, it's just this constant mood-killing vibe you put out. You're cranky and spiteful and edgy all the time.

D: [Fumes emphatically for several beats.] You know what makes me cranky and spiteful and edgy??? [Making his angry face with crazy eyes and bulging masseters, thrusting his lips out and over-enunciating.] You know what makes me cranky and spiteful and edgy??? I'll tell you what makes me cranky, spiteful and edgy. What makes me cranky, spiteful and edgy is being stuck with your creepy ass 24/7 and wishing my brother Sam was here instead! Getting your stupid soul back, that's what we need to focus on, ok?

[Silence in the car for the next ten miles or so]

SS: I did screw a lot of women after I first got back, though.

D: [sulking, doesn't respond]

SS: [another long silence] Yeah. [slouches back in his seat] See, I was getting hit on everywhere I went. It was like I had the whiff of hellfire on me, and it was some kind of sexual catnip. It was great on cases, because I didn't have to bother acting all sincere and compassionate like I do. I mean, I'd walk into a room, and witnesses would _I-swear-to-god_ take one look at me and just go limp. Spill their guts. [laughs] Then ask for my phone number.

D: Dude.

S: [Pauses thoughtfully] Hell, it even worked on cops. And perps. Hell, sometimes even the freaking _monsters_ did a double-take when they saw me coming...

D: [groans] Jesus, Sammy. Please tell me you didn't go hooking up with, like, sirens and succubi or... shit, witches.

D: Well, that's your thing, right? Banging demons and werewolves?

SS: amuelloved it when we hit the bars, 'cause I'd have girls hanging off my dick in clusters before we finished the first beer, and all of them were so worked up even a fugly jerk like Samuel could peel off one or two for himself. Which worked out perfectly for me because it got him off my back for a couple hours...

D: So you could make time with the really hot ones, right?

SS: Naw, then I'd lose the girls, scout out the local cruising spot and get myself all good and fucked. All fucked out and mellow, you know? 

D: Ah... No. Nope, I got no idea about that kinda mellow, Sam.

SS: You still can't handle the truth, can you? Dude! Your brother is gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. 

D: Yeah, well... I'll wait til I hear it from him.

S: Dean, Sam's been trying to come out to you for years.

D: [repeating himself with growling, emphatic finality] I'll wait. Until. I hear it. From him.

[Dean turns the music up and the conversation is over]

°°oO0Oo°°

It isn't true, though. Before his trip to Hell Sam isn't really gay -- well, he doesn't feel gay, he looks in the mirror and doesn't think he looks gay. He hasn't ever touched a man.


End file.
